So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
