i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
