What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
