just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
