The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
