WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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