I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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