My liver just broke up with me...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
