Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
