i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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