at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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