Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
