Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This toilet bowl is my home.
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