I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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