If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
