her vagine was all disorganized.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
