you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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