God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
