You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
