Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
