So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
