i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
