We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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