I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
