it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
