so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
