yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
