my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
