question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
