I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I want to fling myself into the sun
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
