frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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