How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Help. Why am I so naked?
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