Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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