Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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