theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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