her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
