That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
