She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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