I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
