SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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