My nipple is on Facebook.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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