There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you win again, gameday.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
