Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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