she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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