Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
