you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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