Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
