I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
