Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize