like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize