Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
