I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
