well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize