HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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