I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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