gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
tell me about the eggs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
