worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
