he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
