There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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