I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
