My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
