Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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