Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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