I am in a vortex of obligation.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
