After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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