watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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