mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
