i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
