I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
