What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
