she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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