3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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