I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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