Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
