That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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